Empathy

Empathy is commonly defined as one's ability to recognize, perceive and feel directly the emotion of another. Since the states of mind, beliefs, and desires of others are intertwined with their emotions, one with empathy for another may often be able to more effectively define another's mode of thought and mood. Empathy is often characterized as the ability to "put oneself into another's shoes", or to in some way experience the outlook or emotions of another being within oneself, a sort of emotional resonance. Often, an empath can quite literally feel the emotions of another person or persons (Wikipedia)

Over the past few days, I have spent some time pondering on the concept of empathy. Honestly, I have never truly understood the meaning of empathy until it was explained to me during one of my psychology lectures some time back. It was so clearly explained to me that from that very moment, I wondered how many of us can actually be empathetic towards others? Sure, when someone we care about comes to us with a dilemma, we listen as best as we can and try to give sound advice. Most of us would utter the phrase "I know how you feel". But do we really know? Or are we trying to convince ourselves that we know, trying to make the other person feel like they're talking to someone who understands? Very often for me, it's the latter.

Realising this, I asked myself why? Why am I not able to be empathetic towards others. Quite a number of people have approached me for help, support or just a listening ear. Sometimes, I am able to feel their sorrow, But sometimes, I just can't, AT ALL. Why? So far, I have not reached a reasonable explanation. However, the most common excuse that I, and anyone else would probably give is that we feel that everyone else's problems aren't even problems! Half the problems that people face are there because of their own actions. Nothing ever seems big enough or serious enough or RATIONAL enough. Then we move on to say, "I have bigger problems". Is this right? Clearly, there is no empathy involved and in this case, we aren't even trying to be empathetic.

I guess the easiest way for us to be empathetic is to experience something for ourselves. As Atticus Finch once said, "you'll never truly understand a person until you've lived his life; until you've climbed into his skin and walked around in it". (To Kill A Mockingbird) However, we all know that's not possible. Not all of us will experience the same things others do, which is both a privilege and a curse at the same time.

Until today. I have never truly been able to experience 100% empathy. Sure, I've come close, but never fully. Everything I've mentioned above are the things I feel when people come to me with their problems. Often times, I listen without saying anything, because really, what can I say if I don't fully feel the way they're feeling.

And until today, I have not found someone who has been able to show any empathy towards me, which leads me to the purpose of my post. Does empathy exist without experiencing the particular situation of another. Can we be TRULY empathetic without 'climbing into one's skin' or experiencing a similar/exact situation?

Signing out!