Yesterday, I experienced something I haven't experienced in a long time. Failure. And the worst part was, I gave up. I gave up when I could've kept on trying. I lost my confidence.
It's been a long time since I've entered competitions, all in a row. Competitions of any sort, I am not referring to a specific kind. When I think back 3 years, I vaguely remember the feelings I had. The butterflies in my stomach, the vomiting and loss of appetite prior to the event (sometimes), the adrenaline rush that gives me the sudden burst of energy I don't usually have during training, the shivers and wobbly legs and so on. But most of all, I forgot how awful all that felt. Sure, it paid off when I did well. But I didn't always do well. Sometimes I failed, badly. Sometimes I just didn't win. Sometimes I humiliated myself. And sometimes, I just gave up.
Competitions are never easy. The physical and emotional aspects are indeed very demanding. One has to learn to cope with the pressure being brought on, which is a very arduous task. A person will most likely succeed if he or she has an intrepid side. Some competitions are entered individually. Others, with a team. And sometimes, the pressure of not wanting to let your team down, can possibly consume you. The pressure of not wanting to let your family/coaches/sponsors down, is also very relevant. However, the impacts are often very unconscious, meaning, you probably will not realise how much your nerves or worrying are affecting your performance. You think you have it under control, but very often, you don't.
Yesterday's experience opened my eyes to a very disturbing and worrying fact that I have known, but have just chosen to ignore. I cannot handle pressure. I've known this about myself for a long time now. Not just with competitions, but with exams, meager responsibilites and so on. I usually break down and start crying or give up completely of get angry with the people around me. I am not a competitive person by nature. I also tend to give up easily. Hence, I cannot be subjected to any kind of pressure/stress, especially emotional. No matter how much I've tried (so far), I always seem to worry so much before some competition or exam etc.
While I've always known this about myself, I feel extrememly worried after yesterday's experience. I'm leaving the country soon, to live on my own and be independent. I'm going to be faced with a truckload of stress. And not only that, what's going to happen when I venture into the working world? I'm going to be faced with pressure probably every day of my life. What am I going to do then? I know people always say that I should take one day at a time, but I think that this is something I have to think about and learn to conquer. If I just leave it and hope that it will disappear one day, there is a possibility that it might not.
Hence, I am definitely not giving up. Eventhough I gave up at that moment yesterday, the exact moment when I was faced with trouble, I am not going to give up permanently. I still have approximately 15 days to the big competition and I am going to give my all. I did not work my ass of for 5 months just to let it all fall apart now. And along the way, I am learning to deal with pressure, hopefully.
Signing out!
It's been a long time since I've entered competitions, all in a row. Competitions of any sort, I am not referring to a specific kind. When I think back 3 years, I vaguely remember the feelings I had. The butterflies in my stomach, the vomiting and loss of appetite prior to the event (sometimes), the adrenaline rush that gives me the sudden burst of energy I don't usually have during training, the shivers and wobbly legs and so on. But most of all, I forgot how awful all that felt. Sure, it paid off when I did well. But I didn't always do well. Sometimes I failed, badly. Sometimes I just didn't win. Sometimes I humiliated myself. And sometimes, I just gave up.
Competitions are never easy. The physical and emotional aspects are indeed very demanding. One has to learn to cope with the pressure being brought on, which is a very arduous task. A person will most likely succeed if he or she has an intrepid side. Some competitions are entered individually. Others, with a team. And sometimes, the pressure of not wanting to let your team down, can possibly consume you. The pressure of not wanting to let your family/coaches/sponsors down, is also very relevant. However, the impacts are often very unconscious, meaning, you probably will not realise how much your nerves or worrying are affecting your performance. You think you have it under control, but very often, you don't.
Yesterday's experience opened my eyes to a very disturbing and worrying fact that I have known, but have just chosen to ignore. I cannot handle pressure. I've known this about myself for a long time now. Not just with competitions, but with exams, meager responsibilites and so on. I usually break down and start crying or give up completely of get angry with the people around me. I am not a competitive person by nature. I also tend to give up easily. Hence, I cannot be subjected to any kind of pressure/stress, especially emotional. No matter how much I've tried (so far), I always seem to worry so much before some competition or exam etc.
While I've always known this about myself, I feel extrememly worried after yesterday's experience. I'm leaving the country soon, to live on my own and be independent. I'm going to be faced with a truckload of stress. And not only that, what's going to happen when I venture into the working world? I'm going to be faced with pressure probably every day of my life. What am I going to do then? I know people always say that I should take one day at a time, but I think that this is something I have to think about and learn to conquer. If I just leave it and hope that it will disappear one day, there is a possibility that it might not.
Hence, I am definitely not giving up. Eventhough I gave up at that moment yesterday, the exact moment when I was faced with trouble, I am not going to give up permanently. I still have approximately 15 days to the big competition and I am going to give my all. I did not work my ass of for 5 months just to let it all fall apart now. And along the way, I am learning to deal with pressure, hopefully.
Signing out!
1 comment:
console yourself by knowing that what you feel as an athlete is common. Psychologists have devoted their lives to helping athletes cope with the mental stress of performance. All is not lost and actually relatively easy to deal with. The key word being 'relative'. It all depends on you. Success is a state of mind, as is victory. You've already won if you believe you have. Harness the power of positive visualization, because it WORKS! Good that you are going to give it your all, you wouldnt be where you are if you hadn't already given at least your 95%. That least 5% is all in your mind. Don't let negative thoughts get the better of you; I would not have invested all this time and effoert if I didnt think you could do it; if I didnt know you would be committed. THere are people all around you who believe in you; but what's most important: Do you BELIEVE in YOURSELF?
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